I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
