Please, let me fuck your mom
I looked at my own cervix.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
