he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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