apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
