If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
