I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
