I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How does it feel to date your dad?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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