I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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