You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize