Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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