I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
