Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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