I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
