Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize