He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize