New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
