My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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