No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
