The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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