porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
