I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
