Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
What drink are we having for lunch?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
