I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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