Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize