addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
