how hairy? two words: wookie tits
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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