apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
