I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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