I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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