Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize