dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
