I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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