I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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