I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
