my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
