if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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