don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
