I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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