I seem to have left my pride at pride
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
