I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
In America we eat man semen.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
