I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
