Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
