Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I want to walk on stilts...naked
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
