May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
