I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
