shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Randomize
