I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize