time to smoke my breakfast
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just high enough for therapy.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
