I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
