Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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