i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
