Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize