I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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