Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
