Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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