Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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