You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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