On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
