sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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