if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
