It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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