The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Vodka?
Forever.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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