Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
