check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
