I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
