ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
