I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
