Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
