I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
