Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
