She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
