You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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