I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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