IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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