It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
