FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize