Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
