My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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