walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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