Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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