She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
