Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
