looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
