We won't sleep together?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
