ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
