In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
it was like eating out sand paper
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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