maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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